timewasted

timewasters

bleah

pile of newspapers lie beside me, i've read the life section comics only. theres supposed to be an earthquake in indonesia somewhere, but i dunno where.

erm... started playing gunbound at 7... ended at 9, after much concentration and self-control. Now chatting. supposed to get off the comp and start catching up on 3 months liao... but ahhh i cant discipline myself.

Need to think about time management. I think I function best with 9 hours of sleep. if it means waking up at 6pm in the morning, i should sleep at 9. technically im past my bedtime now. Anything less than 9 hours will seriously affect my mood and performance.

I'll go into catching up-mode this week i think.

1. First stop, go borrow notes from my classmates.
2. Start mugging like crazy

I schedule my catchup for about 1 week. abstain from computer and tv. and other distractions. go hole myself up in a dark room.

Slept from 4 pm to 7pm. so i've done my 3 hours... but it doesnt feel enough leh. think i can still sleep another 9 hrs without problem. will i get kicked out of RJ or trip science class?

so... now its 9.45pm. i've got options to do:

a) watch tv (most likely)

b) sleep

c) empty my old file and start filing stuff.

d) start comprehending my maths notes(highly unlikely)

Animal in Captivity

I feel under threat.

I've just caught my maid yakking away on handphone. She lied to me, said she doesnt own one. Liar.

Using my usual taunting and belligerent method of interrogation. I squeezed out alot of information, and tore open the lies that she uttered. Now i think she hates me, cant help it, i've treated my brother this way all this time. She was almost like begging me not to show my mother the handphone.

I checked everything

Im so scared... my mom and dad are out of town. and im left with a murderous maid with an insidious intentions.

Now i think she may poison the water i drink. Spit in the food i eat. Stab me in my sleep. Maybe im just paranoid.

Time for backup. just called my auntie to ask if she could sleep over, just sms-ed my friend to ask if he could sleepover. Strength in numbers!

Farewell and a new beginning

today got cg outing. think its the last time i'll see 05s72 as a class anymore, still haha, only about 12 people turned up... abit disappointing. Karan, sinwen, shaun, charles, mayhwee, jacq, elsa, me, jian yong, yunqing, tian meng..

Haha at least i'll look back at SAJC with fond memories, cos i met many nice and interesting people i'll never have met had i gone to another jc. Everyone had their own qualities and distinctive traits. Im lucky to have met charles, super nice guy, imagine he can even miss his train-station to talk to us a few more minutes before taking another train back to toa payoh. wow. reminds me of myself actually :P i remember missing my bus so that i can continue talking to friends at the bus stop, then after that when they left when the bus came, i was left alone and started chiding myself for being so stupid and impractical :P i mean, somebody has to leave sometime, or you'll never leave the bus stop, you'll never get anywhere.

3 months at Sajc, not long but not too short either. No more drinking lemon barley, stealing lemon barley, stealing fruit juice. No more carrom sessions, no more talking crap about victoria jc, no more sleeping in lectures, no more teachers with drop-out teeth, no more bowling, pool sessions, PE lessons, ponning lessons. Man im starting to feel a little nostlagic :P SAJC was where i learnt to bowl, learnt to pool.

The friends i made in sajc are great, i just started to get to know them and now its time to leave, haha how typical. even so, there's a bit of hesitation when you leave, like a closure to the chapter of SAJC in your life, you know you're leaving a bunch of nice people, cool people, but everyone has got to go off somewhere someplace, so good luck guys and gals! hope we meet again!

Tmr i'll be goin rjc... dunno what it'll be like. its the start of school again, school schmull, yucks yucks yucks. thankfully its nearer, i wont feel so guilty getting my poor ol dad to fetch me in de morning, especially he's fetching my bro too. Looking forward to the cool architecture of the school, i'll take my time and find out more... too bad i dont know many ppl in rjc. i can count them on my fingers. time to go kill some mozzies!

huh

my mom is full of crap.

Now i know that 70% of what she says is crap, especially her stupid advice!

I will only listen to 30% of what she says from now on, and this will be carefully thought over.

tired.

dunno.. today went ok, came back home then i realized that i let someone hang in limbo over non-sms. sry about that. im an asshole, i try not to be, but i will always screw up and it shows itself after awhile.

dunno whats wrong with me la... no more cash la. need to work la.

need to dig into ang pao money la.

owe many ppl cash la.

my future: NJC RJC HCJC AJC hangs in the balance la.

the probability of me entering is respectively 45% 10% 5% 10% la.

screw la.

some people are hard to talk to, others take to extremes, they are set in a mental image of what they think others think of them, and they go all out to fulfil it, even if it means deluding themselves, either positively or negatively, some think alike.

do people who think alike necessary get along well? i sort of think so, i mean there's so much to agree to :P Suddenly i found out there are people who think like me, thats why they're my good friends i guess :) the thing is that they've never expressed their opinions, so that's where they were different... and they were more hardworking.

song of the day: "when i see you smile" by erm... boys II men

need to buy more songs! bought a david tao cd for 8.90. there's only one song worth listening to, and i think its not that great after all. but i havent finished listening, so cant judge thoroughly.
Next stop: robbie williams greatest hits. GET THE CASH!!!

i aim to buy a cd a week. so that means 20 bucks a week... ohh man i pity my poor wallet, and stomach, cos i'll have less cash to eat with.

random thought of the day: my whole life is random, but anyway.. whats Ad Nauseum.


I hate being a fool, but i realize i've been a fool my whole life, so nothing's changed... i should have been used to it by now, but still im not comfortable with being a fool. especially in front of others. so the only solution: gain more knowledge so that i no longer qualify for fool-status?

random thought of the day (2): i should sleep earlier, cos i realized if i slept at 12 plus, i'll wake up at 9.30 plus. if i slept at 1am, i'll wake up past 10. So technically i need 9 n 1/2 hrs of sleep.
Alot huh. so thats the reason why i've been sleeping so much in class in chinese high... hmm now i know.

school should be DISALLOWED, or it should cater to the needs of pupils who NEED MORE SLEEP. i really feel it affects the schoolwork. the amount of sleep one gets.

it suddenly dawn on me why i dun wanna go back to hwachong, cos hwachong reminds me of TCHS, and TCHS reminds me of esther cheong, and of unhappy memories there. the total hypocrisy of it all.

im breaking record for longest personal entry. dragging the post on is so fun. oh my my eyelids are sinking, stinging hurting.

listening to another song now: anastacia : at the beginning.

I have many crappy songs, but this is one of the non-crappy ones.


tomorrow is the competition, will i advance? maybe. chance of success: 10%.

i love the world [~_~] but hate myself

There is something wrong with this world, you can feel it, you can taste it, its in your very bones, deep down you know.

or... there's something really wrong with me. I need to get a diary, scrap this blog cos diary's much better.



damn im heavily in debt! BUT I DONT CARE!!! :)

NEED WORK WILL WORK FOR MONEY.

will work for 6 bucks an hour!

ice cream stall
Long John Silvers
Dad's SHop
Macdonalds

or.. start a business.


Read the matrix essays book. it is heavy stuff, heavy philosophical heavy heavy stuff. Deep deep stuff that only people like me will enjoy :) i am self-praising.

You may still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not.

From the moment i could talk i was ordered to listen.
Man i love that song, quite alot.

Last few days liao! make the most of my time in SAJC. now time to go crazy!

random ramblings

Hate my specs, hate my ex-teacher esther cheong.

coped it off charles site

if u think ur beaten, u areif u think u dare not, u dontif u like to win, but u think u cantits almost certain u wontif u think u'll lose, ur lostfor out of the world we findsuccess begins with a fellow's willit's all in the state of mindif u think ur outclassed, u areu've got to think high to riseu've got to be sure of urself beforeu can ever win a prizelife's battles don't always goto the stronger or faster manbut soon or late the one who winsis the one who thinks he can!


todays the day of inspirational quotes.. haha

"let us run the race and never give up. "Saw it from the newspaper, this quote came from a young boy who was killed by his father, cos of mass-suicide-- financial problems and stuff. So tragic.

I had the ultimate inspirational day, woke up nearly 11am, and then spent the day playing the comp and watching TV. watched 'the animal' on TV.


OH my, after i published i suddenly got inspiration for a quote~!

"Your life is like a movie, u wanna be the lead actor or part of the audience?"

the logic goes that if u are audience, u're just watching life go by you. but you can be the master of ur destiny if u're the actor, as u're in the movie itself... damn my english isnt good enuf :P

Sleep

woke up at 7.55am, left and reach school at 9am. walked in, saw a chinese lady sitting beside the gate, she queried me on why i was late. I replied: overslept, proceeded as normal down the slope, here i go again SAJC, i know its not long before i'll see you again, but its one of the last few times.

Feelings for SAJC? almost none, i have no ties to the school, the people? yeah abit, but not enuf for me to stay in SA. I feel the 3 months i've spent in SA were useless in some ways, but an eye-opener in others. Like i havent done homework in the last 3 months, except tutorial 1.1 of chemistry... I know the meaning of slack, and the meaning of total slackness, and SAJC just qualifies as total slackness. i mean, at LEAST i copied homework in primary school, now i dont even bother to copy haha.

i think i'll see SA a few more times and maybe never again? unless i pass by, i feel a sense of gratitude to the school, it's been a nice place to hangout, food's been good, and i've seen more of the world then i'd ever seen back at chinese high. -swaku speaking-

Today was CG outing, or i mean, neoprint taking, we crammed a 16 ppl into a tiny booth, it was stuffy crampy and everyone got cramps. imagine being crushed by a orange t-shirt gorilla called shaun. know what i mean? At least the pics turned out relatively good, haaha, janets wacky ideas are finally fulfilled.

Later the entire CG parted like the great sea, everyone scattered, 3 went pool, some went 'movie' some went home, some went 'appointment'. weird hor, i told the pool-ers that i was watching movie, then told the movie-ers that i was playing pool :P den i hung around PS and saw the jacq elsa gang, they went home.

in the end, i went pool lor, expensive like hell larx 27 bucks for 3 hours! 9 bucks an hour! crazy.. at least at lucky plaza only 4 bucks, this place is double! But at least my pool skills are relatively good, i think i have talent, just play more and sure become pro liao. Charles karan jonathan me, 4 ppl 1 table. so economical, so rip-off, feel like ripping the pool shop owner's throat.. naaaa, cast away those evil thoughts... cleanse my soul!

quite good la, i wanna play pool again, and avoid bowling at all costs. unless i suddenly start having biceps big enuf to lift bowling balls, i'll go pooling!

its kinda late, just blogged for the sake of blogging. lack of something constructive to do, and i feel the achievement of not sleeping early.

Reflections

Why people dao me so much? I think its cos of my lack of personality...

Its not always rainbows and butterflies

I tend to get so insecure.

My resolution to be nice to everybody is failing me, i knew i wouldnt be able to keep it up for long... my evil side keeps showing up, mwahahahaha. I know its super hard to be a nice person for very long. How i keep feeling lazy and irritated when my mother asks me for help with the remote, how i almost beat up my bro after seeing him zuo bo for 3 days and using my laptop to play stupid comp games. When i snap irritatedly at other ppl for no reason.

When i have slacked for so much, like the last 4-5 years, slackity has become a disease with me, consuming my soul and being. It can be seen from my posture, the half-asleep head resting on one arm posture that is most comfortable. The suffocating folded arms head down sleeping posture. The way i walk, the way i talk, it has consumed me and threatens to crush my bones. I lapse into periods of thinking inactivity, like im so engrossed in my own thoughts, my brain blocks out other signals, like noise from the lecturer.. so i stone there with my eyes open wide, looking like im paying attention or something.. Then suddenly like 5 minutes later, something the lecturer says breaks my train of thoughts and i snap out of the trance, and then i am super confused.. "huh? where're we now? what page?" and after that i catch no ball, and miss all of the important parts of lesson. But at least i've been improving, last time i could stone up to 10 minutes a time. and i stone multiple times during a lecture, so im alert for small periods. Now im improving, i've cut it down to about 5 mins of stoning time, per stoning session. And everytime i catch myself stoning i try to snap out of it, just that by that time its already too late.

Funny how the moment u start to blog, ur thoughts lose shape, and the original meaning and context of what u wanted to say doesnt get conveyed onto the blog, i believe i havent yet had the capacity to express myself, in words or otherwise.

I keep runnign away from things, always been running away from things. Now i've turned to face them, and there are so many to deal with... . Life is one big problem, with many mini-problems encompassed within, but the whole damn thing is a big problem. All along the path are ambuscades, a wrong move and im down the drain.

SCREW THE WORLD!!!

like an insect to a light i am drawn towards the computer. i cant leave it for long, the attraction is too powerful.

screw the world! Humans are so complex, its so hard to understand anything, so why even try? So many lame lessons! all i do is go there and listen, then fall aslp, then wakeup, then runoff to do the same thing all over agian? DAmn its cos i've fallen so far behind i dunno whats happeningn now, like in maths and physics, so i have no choice but to slack, imean wtf else can i do except slack when teacher is talking greek.

Blog is addictive. Maybe i gotta get a diary. this 'im-so-self-absorbed-that-i-have-to-record-my-thoughts" thing is kinda fun. I can kill anyone i want in my diary, destroy anything i want, speak my mind in the diary.

Quote of the day(from a song):
I never wanted to play the games that people play.
I've never wanted any more than i could see.
All I wanna do is speak my mind.

Crappist

SCREW THE COMPUTER, i've been stoning here for the past 2 hrs? talking to different CG mates. LOL I NEED A LIFE!!!!

GO GYM!!! WATCH TV!!! GO EAT STUFF FROM FRIDGE!!!

parents are back, hear them, but dont see them yet! moms coughing downstairs, hoo-couguh.

No longer the slacker

OK, i didnt do anything different today, just continued in my slacker world, slept in class, ate in canteen, slept while talking to people, sian attitude again. but the difference was, i was thinking of how to escape this slackerness!

1. Get teachers in SA to teach me everything from scratch, since i havent paid attention since start of school.

• Math: Get that teacher.... to teach me sigma and sum of whatisname
• Physics: get roland lee to teach me and tell me why i got 5 marks for the rest of the paper
• Econs: naaaa im just too good to be coached here
• Chem: Get the old crummy teacher to teach me chem all over again, from sec 3 :)

1. Get rid of my lamer attitude ( kind of hard to discard)

PIssed off alot of people

Yup i did the above, gave kwee a guilt trip over his strategy in going rj. But im not going to change myself to be more diplomatic, cos since when did i bother to change myself.. never. if i piss people off, sorry, but thats me.

I am gonna get it right

that 10,000 is mine, all mine. I am gonna crack the code, screw the puzzle im gonna get it right. damn crappy puzzle!!!

Man i found a great humour site:http://www.sonic.net/~elucas/laughpix.html

Screwed up

Im still mulling over the old question, HC or RJ. DAmn i take a million years to make decisions, thankfully they extended the deadline to monday 6pm, or i'll be screwed!

Dunno why i dont feel like returning to HC, yet feel like HC is home. lol damn funny right? its like you wanna run but something is holding you back. I wanna run away from chinese high, I wanna run away from the people, i wanna run away from my life in chinese high and forget my failures there. I was a slacker then and i dont wish to repeat that again, it sucked.

I feel like going RJ cos i'll find a new life and new friends there, but yet with my 7-3=4 points, it seems abit risky. Although I am slightly anti-TCHS now, i should know that HC actually isnt TCHS part 2. hwachu may be a whole new thing altogether... Just that too much remains of the past that will remind me of my drifter years. Can i stay on in HCJC without becoming a slacker again?

Ideally, I can go back to HCJC and kick some butt... in books! I'll do all the catchup on O level stuff that I was slacking behind lastime... and join some bookclub or something. Or i can work my ass off in RJC.. make some new friends and get on with life, plus its nearer to my home(a big plus point)

I totally hate the TCHS slacker attitude now to think of it, yeah, i mean i was a slacker, but i hate being a slacker! I mean, the whole damn lot of them all taking things so easy, then suddenly mug like mad during O's! Siao.... I wasnt able to adapt so quickly to this attitude change... Suddenly no more ppl to play cards, with kick soccer, go out, talk cock... If it was RJ, maybe they play pool every day, then i'll join them. Nahhh. thats just my fantasy speaking, if i go RJ i'll mug like mad, if i go HC i'll mug like mad, THIS is the new weihong talking. ARGH, wish i didnt have a choice... then i wouldnt talk this much crap, if i had a lot of things holding me back at HCJC, then i would have gone without complaint, but no...

mmmeeerewwwwwwwpeqroewrsdiansdasd

WEird day, so weird. im not friendly, not outgoing, v. sian, very lagging, moody.
Even kana stuck between MRT doors and still laughing and v. happy. SIao right?! Lucky i came out of that alive.

I think i have a guardian angel somewhere, helping me out lolz! i keep getting out of sticky situations, o levels, escape death or serious injury. amazingggggggg.


I have to repay the kindness that god has shown me!!! i did a good deed yesterday, returned 20 bucks to this man who left the ATM machine without taking his cash! Ya la, i didnt give up my seat when there was this woman with a bunch of kids, but that was when i was kinda pissed off.

hahaha lala

ok... o's are o-ver hahahhaa. now its time to get into a JC, yuckss. ( i must changeee)

The fight between RJC and HCJC, which should i go to, which can i go to? All the pros and cons

RJ

1. the campus is sooo new and enticing
2. its relatively near to my house, can walk, run or scooter there, everyday just 5km can reach already :P
3. the supposedly fun atmosphere, everyday play.

HCJC the old and comfortable

1. Im so used to huazhong life, theres no need to adjust anything, just walk in and feel at home
2. friends in hc, see them hear them, feel them, eat them
3. studious atmosphere, everyday study... must mugg!!

Now weigh the cons, RJ is full of rafflesians, how would i fit in? If i dun fit in, it'll be a very miserable 2 yrs. i've seen some RI ppl from tuition class, mostly they're quite cool, abit poser, i guess thats the image they wanna project. Maybe im too introvert?

Also, in SA i already have some mega problems fitting in, or some mega problems with homework(hopefully its becos of lack of effort, if not diee man), studies and all those things related to books, if i go RJ, i'll confirm DIE if i continue this kinda attitude.

I keep having the idea that HC is just chinese high with girls included :P Also, imagine if i enter a v. studious class, if everyone works works works, it wont be very fun. but then again, JC life ends at 6pm every day... what kinda fun should i expect, nightclubbing meh.

At the end of the day, i know i'll enjoy life in both JCs, cos im determined to do so.