Wei Hong's Blog

dada

2008-03-29T05:05:00.000-07:00

dada

when will i start working

2005-05-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

ah choo

reading pleasure and nightmare

2005-04-23T06:34:00.000-07:00

this week is my reading week. i've gone crazy for books. been reading nonstop everyday for the past 5 days.... i reckon i've read over 30 hours. finished the phillip pullmans' trilogy. Northern lights, subtle knife and the amber spyglass. and half of jeffrey archer's 'to cut a long story short'. oh my gosh? i feel my eyes breaking up. everythings so blurry now. it must be the 9 hrs non stop reading...

deaf

2005-04-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

my computer is making weird whirring noises, like a car revving up. it was alarmingly loud for the first 3 minutes, like a chopper's blade whirring around. then it quietened down to sound like a mercedes benz in a traffic jam. FInally i realized that if i played music a little louder than usual, i wont hear the sound anymore. :ignoring the symptoms:

mutterings

2005-04-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

class gathering was quite screwed up. first thing was, i came late, (spending time with cousin i havent seen in 8 yrs). then later on the bus, we talked so much we overshot the bus-stop like until we almost reached SAJC. none of us knew how to get to west coast park, and MH talked way too much to notice anyway:P

den we got down and decided what to do? i wanted to take the opposite direction back... but *ahem* certain elements of our group strongly felt that we should'nt go back. i was like huh?? only me and charles wanted to go back... afterall i havent seen them like for HOW LONG?!! den someone suggested lets go pool.... erpzzz. lets go movies... lets go dhoby gaut. den we walked. den we took bus, went harbourfront. sat down and decided, whether to go back. and karan indicated a strong desire to not return to westcoast park, to leave those few ppl there stranded n shaun just didnt wanna go cos it was 'too far from his house'... yucks. i voted to go back, charles too.. but we werent that much persuasive... haiz...
and our fate rested in other's hands... dammit la... it was a class gathering after all.... now i feel quite bitchy already...--> screw you, i know you have your lame reasons, but i let myself get influenced and thats the saddest thing.

9 hrs 0f sleep

2005-04-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

im actually looking forward to seeing 05s72 classmates again... haha didnt know it, but i miss that quite abit, especially after meeting strangers all over again.

timewasted

2005-03-31T05:12:00.000-08:00

timewasters

bleah

2005-03-29T05:01:00.000-08:00

pile of newspapers lie beside me, i've read the life section comics only. theres supposed to be an earthquake in indonesia somewhere, but i dunno where.

erm... started playing gunbound at 7... ended at 9, after much concentration and self-control. Now chatting. supposed to get off the comp and start catching up on 3 months liao... but ahhh i cant discipline myself.

Need to think about time management. I think I function best with 9 hours of sleep. if it means waking up at 6pm in the morning, i should sleep at 9. technically im past my bedtime now. Anything less than 9 hours will seriously affect my mood and performance.

I'll go into catching up-mode this week i think.

First stop, go borrow notes from my classmates.
Start mugging like crazy

I schedule my catchup for about 1 week. abstain from computer and tv. and other distractions. go hole myself up in a dark room.

Slept from 4 pm to 7pm. so i've done my 3 hours... but it doesnt feel enough leh. think i can still sleep another 9 hrs without problem. will i get kicked out of RJ or trip science class?

so... now its 9.45pm. i've got options to do:

a) watch tv (most likely)

b) sleep

c) empty my old file and start filing stuff.

d) start comprehending my maths notes(highly unlikely)

Animal in Captivity

2005-03-27T07:41:00.000-08:00

I feel under threat.

I've just caught my maid yakking away on handphone. She lied to me, said she doesnt own one. Liar.

Using my usual taunting and belligerent method of interrogation. I squeezed out alot of information, and tore open the lies that she uttered. Now i think she hates me, cant help it, i've treated my brother this way all this time. She was almost like begging me not to show my mother the handphone.

I checked everything

Im so scared... my mom and dad are out of town. and im left with a murderous maid with an insidious intentions.

Now i think she may poison the water i drink. Spit in the food i eat. Stab me in my sleep. Maybe im just paranoid.

Time for backup. just called my auntie to ask if she could sleep over, just sms-ed my friend to ask if he could sleepover. Strength in numbers!

Farewell and a new beginning

2005-03-22T05:06:00.000-08:00

today got cg outing. think its the last time i'll see 05s72 as a class anymore, still haha, only about 12 people turned up... abit disappointing. Karan, sinwen, shaun, charles, mayhwee, jacq, elsa, me, jian yong, yunqing, tian meng..

Haha at least i'll look back at SAJC with fond memories, cos i met many nice and interesting people i'll never have met had i gone to another jc. Everyone had their own qualities and distinctive traits. Im lucky to have met charles, super nice guy, imagine he can even miss his train-station to talk to us a few more minutes before taking another train back to toa payoh. wow. reminds me of myself actually :P i remember missing my bus so that i can continue talking to friends at the bus stop, then after that when they left when the bus came, i was left alone and started chiding myself for being so stupid and impractical :P i mean, somebody has to leave sometime, or you'll never leave the bus stop, you'll never get anywhere.

3 months at Sajc, not long but not too short either. No more drinking lemon barley, stealing lemon barley, stealing fruit juice. No more carrom sessions, no more talking crap about victoria jc, no more sleeping in lectures, no more teachers with drop-out teeth, no more bowling, pool sessions, PE lessons, ponning lessons. Man im starting to feel a little nostlagic :P SAJC was where i learnt to bowl, learnt to pool.

The friends i made in sajc are great, i just started to get to know them and now its time to leave, haha how typical. even so, there's a bit of hesitation when you leave, like a closure to the chapter of SAJC in your life, you know you're leaving a bunch of nice people, cool people, but everyone has got to go off somewhere someplace, so good luck guys and gals! hope we meet again!

Tmr i'll be goin rjc... dunno what it'll be like. its the start of school again, school schmull, yucks yucks yucks. thankfully its nearer, i wont feel so guilty getting my poor ol dad to fetch me in de morning, especially he's fetching my bro too. Looking forward to the cool architecture of the school, i'll take my time and find out more... too bad i dont know many ppl in rjc. i can count them on my fingers. time to go kill some mozzies!

huh

2005-03-19T06:53:00.000-08:00

my mom is full of crap.

Now i know that 70% of what she says is crap, especially her stupid advice!

I will only listen to 30% of what she says from now on, and this will be carefully thought over.

tired.

2005-03-18T06:57:00.000-08:00

dunno.. today went ok, came back home then i realized that i let someone hang in limbo over non-sms. sry about that. im an asshole, i try not to be, but i will always screw up and it shows itself after awhile.

dunno whats wrong with me la... no more cash la. need to work la.

need to dig into ang pao money la.

owe many ppl cash la.

my future: NJC RJC HCJC AJC hangs in the balance la.

the probability of me entering is respectively 45% 10% 5% 10% la.

screw la.

some people are hard to talk to, others take to extremes, they are set in a mental image of what they think others think of them, and they go all out to fulfil it, even if it means deluding themselves, either positively or negatively, some think alike.

do people who think alike necessary get along well? i sort of think so, i mean there's so much to agree to :P Suddenly i found out there are people who think like me, thats why they're my good friends i guess :) the thing is that they've never expressed their opinions, so that's where they were different... and they were more hardworking.

song of the day: "when i see you smile" by erm... boys II men

need to buy more songs! bought a david tao cd for 8.90. there's only one song worth listening to, and i think its not that great after all. but i havent finished listening, so cant judge thoroughly.
Next stop: robbie williams greatest hits. GET THE CASH!!!

i aim to buy a cd a week. so that means 20 bucks a week... ohh man i pity my poor wallet, and stomach, cos i'll have less cash to eat with.

random thought of the day: my whole life is random, but anyway.. whats Ad Nauseum.

I hate being a fool, but i realize i've been a fool my whole life, so nothing's changed... i should have been used to it by now, but still im not comfortable with being a fool. especially in front of others. so the only solution: gain more knowledge so that i no longer qualify for fool-status?

random thought of the day (2): i should sleep earlier, cos i realized if i slept at 12 plus, i'll wake up at 9.30 plus. if i slept at 1am, i'll wake up past 10. So technically i need 9 n 1/2 hrs of sleep.
Alot huh. so thats the reason why i've been sleeping so much in class in chinese high... hmm now i know.

school should be DISALLOWED, or it should cater to the needs of pupils who NEED MORE SLEEP. i really feel it affects the schoolwork. the amount of sleep one gets.

it suddenly dawn on me why i dun wanna go back to hwachong, cos hwachong reminds me of TCHS, and TCHS reminds me of esther cheong, and of unhappy memories there. the total hypocrisy of it all.

im breaking record for longest personal entry. dragging the post on is so fun. oh my my eyelids are sinking, stinging hurting.

listening to another song now: anastacia : at the beginning.

I have many crappy songs, but this is one of the non-crappy ones.

tomorrow is the competition, will i advance? maybe. chance of success: 10%.

i love the world [~_~] but hate myself

2005-03-16T07:16:00.000-08:00

There is something wrong with this world, you can feel it, you can taste it, its in your very bones, deep down you know.

or... there's something really wrong with me. I need to get a diary, scrap this blog cos diary's much better.

damn im heavily in debt! BUT I DONT CARE!!! :)

NEED WORK WILL WORK FOR MONEY.

will work for 6 bucks an hour!

ice cream stall
Long John Silvers
Dad's SHop
Macdonalds

or.. start a business.

Read the matrix essays book. it is heavy stuff, heavy philosophical heavy heavy stuff. Deep deep stuff that only people like me will enjoy :) i am self-praising.

You may still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not.

From the moment i could talk i was ordered to listen.
Man i love that song, quite alot.

Last few days liao! make the most of my time in SAJC. now time to go crazy!

random ramblings

2005-03-13T07:49:00.000-08:00

Hate my specs, hate my ex-teacher esther cheong.

coped it off charles site

2005-03-12T05:48:00.000-08:00

if u think ur beaten, u areif u think u dare not, u dontif u like to win, but u think u cantits almost certain u wontif u think u'll lose, ur lostfor out of the world we findsuccess begins with a fellow's willit's all in the state of mindif u think ur outclassed, u areu've got to think high to riseu've got to be sure of urself beforeu can ever win a prizelife's battles don't always goto the stronger or faster manbut soon or late the one who winsis the one who thinks he can!

todays the day of inspirational quotes.. haha

"let us run the race and never give up. "Saw it from the newspaper, this quote came from a young boy who was killed by his father, cos of mass-suicide-- financial problems and stuff. So tragic.

I had the ultimate inspirational day, woke up nearly 11am, and then spent the day playing the comp and watching TV. watched 'the animal' on TV.

OH my, after i published i suddenly got inspiration for a quote~!

"Your life is like a movie, u wanna be the lead actor or part of the audience?"

the logic goes that if u are audience, u're just watching life go by you. but you can be the master of ur destiny if u're the actor, as u're in the movie itself... damn my english isnt good enuf :P

Sleep

2005-03-11T08:07:00.000-08:00

woke up at 7.55am, left and reach school at 9am. walked in, saw a chinese lady sitting beside the gate, she queried me on why i was late. I replied: overslept, proceeded as normal down the slope, here i go again SAJC, i know its not long before i'll see you again, but its one of the last few times.

Feelings for SAJC? almost none, i have no ties to the school, the people? yeah abit, but not enuf for me to stay in SA. I feel the 3 months i've spent in SA were useless in some ways, but an eye-opener in others. Like i havent done homework in the last 3 months, except tutorial 1.1 of chemistry... I know the meaning of slack, and the meaning of total slackness, and SAJC just qualifies as total slackness. i mean, at LEAST i copied homework in primary school, now i dont even bother to copy haha.

i think i'll see SA a few more times and maybe never again? unless i pass by, i feel a sense of gratitude to the school, it's been a nice place to hangout, food's been good, and i've seen more of the world then i'd ever seen back at chinese high. -swaku speaking-

Today was CG outing, or i mean, neoprint taking, we crammed a 16 ppl into a tiny booth, it was stuffy crampy and everyone got cramps. imagine being crushed by a orange t-shirt gorilla called shaun. know what i mean? At least the pics turned out relatively good, haaha, janets wacky ideas are finally fulfilled.

Later the entire CG parted like the great sea, everyone scattered, 3 went pool, some went 'movie' some went home, some went 'appointment'. weird hor, i told the pool-ers that i was watching movie, then told the movie-ers that i was playing pool :P den i hung around PS and saw the jacq elsa gang, they went home.

in the end, i went pool lor, expensive like hell larx 27 bucks for 3 hours! 9 bucks an hour! crazy.. at least at lucky plaza only 4 bucks, this place is double! But at least my pool skills are relatively good, i think i have talent, just play more and sure become pro liao. Charles karan jonathan me, 4 ppl 1 table. so economical, so rip-off, feel like ripping the pool shop owner's throat.. naaaa, cast away those evil thoughts... cleanse my soul!

quite good la, i wanna play pool again, and avoid bowling at all costs. unless i suddenly start having biceps big enuf to lift bowling balls, i'll go pooling!

its kinda late, just blogged for the sake of blogging. lack of something constructive to do, and i feel the achievement of not sleeping early.

Reflections

2005-03-09T07:15:00.000-08:00

Why people dao me so much? I think its cos of my lack of personality...

Its not always rainbows and butterflies

2005-03-08T04:49:00.000-08:00

I tend to get so insecure.

My resolution to be nice to everybody is failing me, i knew i wouldnt be able to keep it up for long... my evil side keeps showing up, mwahahahaha. I know its super hard to be a nice person for very long. How i keep feeling lazy and irritated when my mother asks me for help with the remote, how i almost beat up my bro after seeing him zuo bo for 3 days and using my laptop to play stupid comp games. When i snap irritatedly at other ppl for no reason.

When i have slacked for so much, like the last 4-5 years, slackity has become a disease with me, consuming my soul and being. It can be seen from my posture, the half-asleep head resting on one arm posture that is most comfortable. The suffocating folded arms head down sleeping posture. The way i walk, the way i talk, it has consumed me and threatens to crush my bones. I lapse into periods of thinking inactivity, like im so engrossed in my own thoughts, my brain blocks out other signals, like noise from the lecturer.. so i stone there with my eyes open wide, looking like im paying attention or something.. Then suddenly like 5 minutes later, something the lecturer says breaks my train of thoughts and i snap out of the trance, and then i am super confused.. "huh? where're we now? what page?" and after that i catch no ball, and miss all of the important parts of lesson. But at least i've been improving, last time i could stone up to 10 minutes a time. and i stone multiple times during a lecture, so im alert for small periods. Now im improving, i've cut it down to about 5 mins of stoning time, per stoning session. And everytime i catch myself stoning i try to snap out of it, just that by that time its already too late.

Funny how the moment u start to blog, ur thoughts lose shape, and the original meaning and context of what u wanted to say doesnt get conveyed onto the blog, i believe i havent yet had the capacity to express myself, in words or otherwise.

I keep runnign away from things, always been running away from things. Now i've turned to face them, and there are so many to deal with... . Life is one big problem, with many mini-problems encompassed within, but the whole damn thing is a big problem. All along the path are ambuscades, a wrong move and im down the drain.

SCREW THE WORLD!!!

2005-03-07T03:52:00.000-08:00

like an insect to a light i am drawn towards the computer. i cant leave it for long, the attraction is too powerful.

screw the world! Humans are so complex, its so hard to understand anything, so why even try? So many lame lessons! all i do is go there and listen, then fall aslp, then wakeup, then runoff to do the same thing all over agian? DAmn its cos i've fallen so far behind i dunno whats happeningn now, like in maths and physics, so i have no choice but to slack, imean wtf else can i do except slack when teacher is talking greek.

Blog is addictive. Maybe i gotta get a diary. this 'im-so-self-absorbed-that-i-have-to-record-my-thoughts" thing is kinda fun. I can kill anyone i want in my diary, destroy anything i want, speak my mind in the diary.

Quote of the day(from a song):
I never wanted to play the games that people play.
I've never wanted any more than i could see.
All I wanna do is speak my mind.

Crappist

2005-03-07T03:24:00.000-08:00

SCREW THE COMPUTER, i've been stoning here for the past 2 hrs? talking to different CG mates. LOL I NEED A LIFE!!!!

GO GYM!!! WATCH TV!!! GO EAT STUFF FROM FRIDGE!!!

parents are back, hear them, but dont see them yet! moms coughing downstairs, hoo-couguh.

No longer the slacker

2005-03-07T02:12:00.000-08:00

OK, i didnt do anything different today, just continued in my slacker world, slept in class, ate in canteen, slept while talking to people, sian attitude again. but the difference was, i was thinking of how to escape this slackerness!

Get teachers in SA to teach me everything from scratch, since i havent paid attention since start of school.

Math: Get that teacher.... to teach me sigma and sum of whatisname
Physics: get roland lee to teach me and tell me why i got 5 marks for the rest of the paper
Econs: naaaa im just too good to be coached here
Chem: Get the old crummy teacher to teach me chem all over again, from sec 3 :)

Get rid of my lamer attitude ( kind of hard to discard)

PIssed off alot of people

2005-03-06T07:38:00.000-08:00

Yup i did the above, gave kwee a guilt trip over his strategy in going rj. But im not going to change myself to be more diplomatic, cos since when did i bother to change myself.. never. if i piss people off, sorry, but thats me.

I am gonna get it right

2005-03-06T03:37:00.000-08:00

that 10,000 is mine, all mine. I am gonna crack the code, screw the puzzle im gonna get it right. damn crappy puzzle!!!

Man i found a great humour site:http://www.sonic.net/~elucas/laughpix.html

Screwed up

2005-03-05T06:46:00.000-08:00

Im still mulling over the old question, HC or RJ. DAmn i take a million years to make decisions, thankfully they extended the deadline to monday 6pm, or i'll be screwed!

Dunno why i dont feel like returning to HC, yet feel like HC is home. lol damn funny right? its like you wanna run but something is holding you back. I wanna run away from chinese high, I wanna run away from the people, i wanna run away from my life in chinese high and forget my failures there. I was a slacker then and i dont wish to repeat that again, it sucked.

I feel like going RJ cos i'll find a new life and new friends there, but yet with my 7-3=4 points, it seems abit risky. Although I am slightly anti-TCHS now, i should know that HC actually isnt TCHS part 2. hwachu may be a whole new thing altogether... Just that too much remains of the past that will remind me of my drifter years. Can i stay on in HCJC without becoming a slacker again?

Ideally, I can go back to HCJC and kick some butt... in books! I'll do all the catchup on O level stuff that I was slacking behind lastime... and join some bookclub or something. Or i can work my ass off in RJC.. make some new friends and get on with life, plus its nearer to my home(a big plus point)

I totally hate the TCHS slacker attitude now to think of it, yeah, i mean i was a slacker, but i hate being a slacker! I mean, the whole damn lot of them all taking things so easy, then suddenly mug like mad during O's! Siao.... I wasnt able to adapt so quickly to this attitude change... Suddenly no more ppl to play cards, with kick soccer, go out, talk cock... If it was RJ, maybe they play pool every day, then i'll join them. Nahhh. thats just my fantasy speaking, if i go RJ i'll mug like mad, if i go HC i'll mug like mad, THIS is the new weihong talking. ARGH, wish i didnt have a choice... then i wouldnt talk this much crap, if i had a lot of things holding me back at HCJC, then i would have gone without complaint, but no...

mmmeeerewwwwwwwpeqroewrsdiansdasd

2005-03-02T07:54:00.000-08:00

WEird day, so weird. im not friendly, not outgoing, v. sian, very lagging, moody.
Even kana stuck between MRT doors and still laughing and v. happy. SIao right?! Lucky i came out of that alive.

I think i have a guardian angel somewhere, helping me out lolz! i keep getting out of sticky situations, o levels, escape death or serious injury. amazingggggggg.

I have to repay the kindness that god has shown me!!! i did a good deed yesterday, returned 20 bucks to this man who left the ATM machine without taking his cash! Ya la, i didnt give up my seat when there was this woman with a bunch of kids, but that was when i was kinda pissed off.

hahaha lala

2005-03-01T18:51:00.000-08:00

ok... o's are o-ver hahahhaa. now its time to get into a JC, yuckss. ( i must changeee)

The fight between RJC and HCJC, which should i go to, which can i go to? All the pros and cons

RJ

the campus is sooo new and enticing
its relatively near to my house, can walk, run or scooter there, everyday just 5km can reach already :P
the supposedly fun atmosphere, everyday play.

HCJC the old and comfortable

Im so used to huazhong life, theres no need to adjust anything, just walk in and feel at home
friends in hc, see them hear them, feel them, eat them
studious atmosphere, everyday study... must mugg!!

Now weigh the cons, RJ is full of rafflesians, how would i fit in? If i dun fit in, it'll be a very miserable 2 yrs. i've seen some RI ppl from tuition class, mostly they're quite cool, abit poser, i guess thats the image they wanna project. Maybe im too introvert?

Also, in SA i already have some mega problems fitting in, or some mega problems with homework(hopefully its becos of lack of effort, if not diee man), studies and all those things related to books, if i go RJ, i'll confirm DIE if i continue this kinda attitude.

I keep having the idea that HC is just chinese high with girls included :P Also, imagine if i enter a v. studious class, if everyone works works works, it wont be very fun. but then again, JC life ends at 6pm every day... what kinda fun should i expect, nightclubbing meh.

At the end of the day, i know i'll enjoy life in both JCs, cos im determined to do so.

Emotion

2005-02-28T09:07:00.000-08:00

O levels got back, 7 pts. before i was super nervous, kept bugging my teacher to hint my results, after i got it back, i was relieved, but the feeling was weird... It was as if i did not deserve this grade...

I feel like I was super lucky, undeservingly lucky, anyway, this is a beginning of a changed man, I solemnly swear im gonna wake up from this day onwards, study, work hard, play hard.

The awakening

Come what may

2005-02-27T07:10:00.000-08:00

Erps. Dub-dub-dub-dub-dub, thats my heart beating.

Im pretty sure tomorrow i'll be disappointing alot of people, myself, parents, teachers, and worst of all, i have to stand my most hated enemy's knowing sacarstic smile, mouthing the words 'i told you so', and tomorrow my teachers would know that there never was any hope that i would do well, and i would have to endure my friends shouts of delight as i mull over my grades, and go home depressed, alone. Disappointing myself is ok, but disappointing my parents really sucks, imean, they're like working so hard just to keep our family going, all for the purpose of my success in life. Its strange isnt it, like one year ago i wasnt thinking about such things when i screwed up my life, even though subconsciously i knew this would be the consequence, it just never surfaced as a real scenario.

Even if this scenario doesnt take place, and somehow i got good grades, it's still a lose-lose situation, because deep down inside, i know i have failed myself. When people get good grades, they are really happy n feel they have achieved something becos they worked hard for it, but for me, i have never felt that kind of achievement, because i have never been able to work hard for anything, and that is so sad. Wtf was i thinking last year when i kept avoiding studying and discarding my homework, when everyone else was fking studying their brains out, i was there dreaming, deluding myself, hoping i could get past the exams once more unscathed, without sparing much effort. I still have all those bloody prelim papers and o level papers undone, not a drop of ink on them, and even those that are partially done, were copied in school, while the teacher was going thru them, i was copying them, and for no reason, cos after that i didnt even refer to it. When my friends were studying in mcdonalds, i was there disturbing them, distracting them, obstructing their studies. When my friends were in library studying, i was there yet again being a nuisance, wtf am i, a stupid loser? If i was a sinking ship, why the fuck should i drag down others along with me? I know the answer, its cause im selfish, when im unable to work hard, i would be unhappy that others are able to work hard, jealous of their ability to discipline themselves, and try to upset their studies. and that is the cold hard truth.

Even now, i spend my days drifting, avoiding work, its not even called slacking, its... undescribeable. Most of the days i dont even open my bag after i reach home, so its like just a burden that i carry to school and back home every day, to and fro, to and fro, just for show, like some kind of exhibition masterpiece. And this is what i've been doing for my 10 years of formal education? This worst thing is that i get passable grades through my minimal studying, or lack therof. like i got 21/30 for econs test? wtf? i barely spent an hour studying for it, if it can be called studying, which is constantly running off to get food and running off to play, listen to music. and then i got full marks for physics test mcq? at first i was quite happy i got full marks, proud actually, considering i didnt study. Then on the bus, i remembered, unlike the chemistry test, physics test only had 6 mcq questions! haha cheyyyy. but still, why didnt i fail like im supposed to? luckily, theres still the rest of the physics paper, which i practically wrote nonsense for, so that will show my true colours--- being a lousy student with massive tyco-ness.

I actually wanted to fail really badly in chinese high, so that i would teach myself a lesson, weird huh? but i never actually had the guts to do it, always managed to scrape past by studying last minute, last second, and getting last minute-grades, den i'll be so contented and proud that i passed even though i studied so little, what a loser. And for geog, i got good marks for MCQ, and 51/100 for paper 2, wtf and in the end i got a B3~ dammit, when i wanted to fail, i let myself down. When i wanted to get really good marks, i also let myself down, i cant believe the loserness of it all.

In P school it was the same, every bloody thing i managed to get enuf grades to sneak past the teachers' attention, and yet not study. In my 6 years of p school life, i never did homework, except primary 2 maths questions, tt time i really every day go home first thing do maths questions, i think cos i had a crush on my teacher ms yeo. lolz! Otherwise, i every day kana sent out of class, my p4 teacher even move my desk out of class permanently! I rmb that teacher, Ms tan -> later became mrs ho or something, or vice versa. Yucks i hate her, first few days of school already try to get respect by bullying young P4s, in her very words "I am a TIGER", she shouted across the class, spit shooting out of her mouth. Then after i didnt bring my pets worksheet for hundreds of times, didnt do my stupid composition, comprehension, cloze passage, couldnt be bothered to? wadeva. she sent me out of class, and there i was for extended periods of time outside the classroom, resident of the corridor. Maybe I am an attention seeker, by not doing homework, i stand out? i bet i am an attention seeker, fking loser.or maybe it is easier to not do homework than to score sterling grades.

And now i even use exercise as an excuse to avoid work, or eating as an excuse. wtf im a total loser. Oh im too tired after all that stuff, omg im hungry, must fill stomach before food, 'oh my handwritings too untidy, dont feel good doing work'. Or else i'll pretend my eyes v tired, need to rest. yuckss, im disgusted with myself

Den i rmb in P school, i had this friend, who was damn anti-RI, he said he'll rather die than go there, so i was like kana influence by him... damn stupid hor. In the end, he oso cannot go RI with his aggregate. lolz i think i didnt study v. hard cos of him lor. Im always kana influence from somebody someone somewhere. Fk... there i go blaming ppl again.

Right now im staying up to share my sorrows, tomorrow will be the day im so tired that i cant see the results slip properly, den i hallucinate that i get all A1s.

Evil Chocolate

2005-02-25T03:47:00.000-08:00

Cant resist the temptation

Just a little bite

A small nibble.

The smooth creamy texture

punctuated by an occasional nut

what genius!

There it lies

in refrigerated innocence

waiting to be eaten

calling out to be eaten,

shall i grant it its wish?

A quick bite,

I savour every moment,

before it goes back

into cold storage.

My gosh, my first blogged poem! Im now officially a -poet- , just like tian meng, omg just like tian meng, im becoming tian meng. Nevertheless that was fun, it took 10 minutes and presto out pops a poem. Yes yes, i know im talented

Blurg.

2005-02-23T07:50:00.000-08:00

How come my blog always gotta be me? its so self-centred, im sickened at the thought of it. Ok, enuf of the guilt trip, its back to me agian :P

Something is irritating me, cant put my finger on it, but its irritating me

Its never over till its over

2005-02-21T06:32:00.000-08:00

startling news, my friend is actually in hcjc, and he got 14 points! Amazing unbelievable, i shud have appealed or something when i had 13 points. The bad thing was i didnt even dare to show my face at the general office :O :P Much less hand in an appeal form with 13 points L1R5.

omgomgomgomg o's coming out this week! anytime now!!! do you feel the pressuree?? honestly theres a sinking feeling that will surface every time i think of the o's ,screw the geog paper, but its too late to worry or regret. so no regrets... (ummm yeah right) So i think right now the only thing i can do is to make more friends, less enemies try my best in everything i do and enjoy my time on earth :P

funfair and stuff

2005-02-20T10:06:00.000-08:00

Wow, the big SA funfair has come and gone. Of course, i never expected our soccer stall thing to succeed really, with $4 bucks a person for 8 minutes, but it did. I never really contributed either, just walked around the funfair, did half my shift and left.

This should teach me a lesson that some things are unexpectedly successful despite seeming to be crappy and doomed to failure.

Maybe c0s i was so unenthusiastic n lackadasical, poet tm was super pissed off with me. shouting at me during the change of shift 'WEIHONG GO PICK UP THE BALL!'. His angry expression haunting my dreams from now onwards. I wasnt too bothered, thought he was mad. But that kinda slack attitude that i carry around leaves much to be desired.

Its kind of late, tried to sleep, but as i just talked with mom about results coming out in a week, i had this unpleasant feeling of nervous restlessness around me. its like dammit, its coming out next week, and the get it over and done with feeling all add up into one mixed imotion. Hope the worst case scenario is that i end up in AJC which is 10 mins walk from home. Still, i had this butterflies-in-stomach feeling just now, wish i had that feeling last year, when i was actually taking the o's, instead of after.

The crux of the problem is...

2005-02-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

"I despise hard work."

That is the problem, its an attitude problem that has haywired and messed up my life, my values and morals.

Why is everybody smarter than me?

2005-02-15T06:54:00.000-08:00

I cant understand it, why is everyone so smart? or rather, why is everyone smarter than me? I've been having this feeling for some time now.

Too many times im left scratching my head over what is being taught. Too many times I catch myself stoning into space, oblivious to surroundings, -especially- in lectures and tutorials. It could be that teachers voice has a 'stoning effect' on me, i think it happened in chinese high, got passed on to SAJC. It may look like im paying attention, but what goes on inside my head is nothing... weird

today is quite screwed up, we swam 15 laps or so, then we had to pull another person over the length of the pool using freestyle and frogkick. Last 3 would kana 20 pushups. I hung onto wei quans waist for 1 lap, but when on the return trip, i kana-ed cramp in my left calf. so it was early exit for me :)

Remember this feeling so i'll not repeat it

2005-02-13T13:01:00.000-08:00

Slightly Nauseous, eyes not fully open, stomach with a funny empty feeling, mosquitoes flying everywhere, and yet--- I have to do homework.

I will not repeat this again, i will do my homework from now onwards.

Good quotes following 2-0 loss to Birmingham

2005-02-13T06:18:00.000-08:00

Today we tried to play football but if you don't win the battles then you cannot play football.

'We now have 10 days to analyse what was wrong today but if you look at each player, none of them played to their best. We've got to try and change things for the next game.' - Rafael Benitez

Been in this situation countless times in my life

2005-02-13T06:07:00.000-08:00

I failed, my plan to do 90 mins of work failed FAILED capital F. I ended up watching Shallow hal and eating those shimano fish, that have lots of roe in them, their bodies stuffed full of eggs save their heads. Shallow hal is such a warm-funny comedy that injects a feel good feeling, so sad it doesnt last when i return to thinking about my homework.

Its sunday nite, 10pm, schools tmr, homework lagging behind for a few weeks. This is a situation repeatedly occuring in my life, just like the numbers 1.54545454545454545454 its never ending. I have to get my life under control, my procastination under wraps. This has been happening since i was a kid, starting from pre-school, kindergarten, pri. sch. every day i dread going to school due to undone homework. My whole life its been like this. I got sent out class more often than i sat in class in primary 4. In pri 5 and pri 6, i was the boy most sent out of class, every other day, i would be training my leg muscles standing for hours. Wonder how i managed to score 263 in PSLE, bet it was luck, will i be so fortunate in the O's? I seriously doubt so, since when was anything second time lucky.

I have the solution, I'll gulp down some nescafe and work till 12. its the only way out... bet i tmr kana niao by the physics teacher... "chinese high sumore, cant even do simple o level questions" go back to school lar!

IMpossible to keep to plan

2005-02-13T02:52:00.000-08:00

i've eaten: pineapple tarts, mandarin oranges, egg rolls, ice cream, cadbury nuts and fruits , cadbury hazelnut bar, Lay's sour cream and onion, Bak Kwa (until my teeth hurt) and drunk Ribena. There is absolutely no way i can ever be thin again, i will be fat forever.

So now my resolution is, just eat what i wanna, and try to exercise it all off, as much as i can.

YESSS i finally got a V day gift!!! mission accomplished! Now i'll just have to stop myself from eating it.mmmmm.

Its almost 7pm, havent got anything done as usual, if i can work an 90 mins before bedtime i'll be happy. (however unrealistic it is, i still continue deluding myself, how sad)

Can do: 1 set of 20 push ups
4 pull ups unassisted (improvement from 1 pull up on 1st PE lesson)
Play An Jing on the piano (not so well, but sounds alrite)
Play abit of 100 years
Eat alot of stuff

Aim to do: 3 sets of 20 push ups
6 pull ups

My gosh... bored

2005-02-12T19:02:00.000-08:00

im bored... playing computer, listening to songs.. need to do more with life.

Not done any homework, lagging behind.... sheez, behold the power of procastination.

the million dollar question: should i GET TO WORK? okok, in 10 minutes time... yeah right...

I have devised the plan of a genius

2005-02-11T06:09:00.000-08:00

This is the plan to lose weight: ( confirm works)

Do not eat excessively
Jogging on mondays, saturdays. For an hour each
Swimming on tuesdays thursdays and saturdays
Pull-ups, push ups when i feel like it
When im hungry i'll binge on fruits

Absolutely NO MORE haagen daz ice cream, and slight allowances for new year goodies.

To-Do list

2005-02-04T18:36:00.000-08:00

1. Send my ipod in for repairs
2. Send my laptop in for repairs
3. Do my homework which has been accumulating for 2 weeks
4. Start a fitness program and carry it out
5. Buy something within budget for valentines day
6. Sell funfair tickets
7. Play the piano

I really look like a pig meh?

2005-02-03T05:04:00.000-08:00

Came home 6.08 today, pon waterpolo, thats why i was home early. I was kind of torn between going for waterpolo and just going home to sleep. In the end, i chose to go home to sleep. But i regret not going. Im not going to spend the rest of my life wallowing in regrets... so nextime i'll go!

Tomorrow there's econs test, imean, yucks theres studying to be done. Went around fishing for music notes, and got 'my immortal'! Haha, now i have made it my hobby to get songs off the internet and play them! Im can play ballade adeline now, but for jay chous ni ting de dao its like freaking ass-hole difficult to play...

ok i'll die out if i dont go study now, CRAM CRAM CRAM!!

swimming and homework

2005-02-02T05:14:00.000-08:00

I hereby issue a ukase decreeing that all non-slackers and people who have done tutorials ahead of time and on time be beheaded and castrated and dismembered and grotesquely disfigured, and i shall be looking with morbid fascination as i watch them suffer in ultimate agony. ( yes im using my newly-found vocab and combining it with my sickest imagination)

i cant find a place to put my new word: circumambient.. ok here goes. Valentines day is coming, romance and love and kindness and commercialism exploitation is circumambient in the atmosphere as febuary approaches. People start selling roses at 10 bucks apiece, and i wanna be one of those selling them and earning quick bucks!

I shall continue with my perdurable feud with boring lecturers and hard-to-do-ever-so-tough-and-tedious-boring homework. Which reminds me, today Mr David Wong became a laughing stock within the realm of SAJC. He was shamed in the middle of a lecture when he couldnt solve his own question in the paper. Publicly humiliated and looked down on due to his mistakes during the lecture, it was sad, but it was slightly hilarious. My first time i saw a teacher looking so forlorn and helpless over his own question.

"We should extirpate incompetent teachers" (in no relation to the above)

I shall resolve to fight my 'bete noire' which is my inherent slackerism.

I shall play for the rest of the moeity of my first 3 months in SAJC.

I shall not engage in acts of moral turpitude

Milan Baros with his coruscating brilliance in finding the net is a great asset to liverpool.

I wrote one after another zhao ju, seriatim.

And i finally evince my true motive in writing all this crap, all for the sake of english

Need to swim fast strong and strokey

2005-02-01T06:12:00.000-08:00

Just came back from polo. I am tired out but not totally bushwhacked tired, cos i think i didnt give my 100% at the training, just slacked it out. I swear next time im going to train until i pass out from exhaustion, i WILL NOT BE A SLACKER.

its late, still havent touched a single crap of notes/paper/homework. theres a ton of GP to do, but i still feel like slacking it out. how to avoid the embarassing questioning tomorrow? let the tomorrow decide my fate. I think "i fell sick yesteday" is a worthy excuse, or else, it could be " i forgot to bring my homework". The most true and yet damning excuse would be " sorry teach, i just didnt feel like doing my homework, not happy about that?" (and it would sound damn act-cool, which of course, it is.)

I still need to be friendlier towards people, sometimes i feel i relate more to my food than to people around me, just a feeling. For one, I cant maintain a going conversation, so i'd rather keep quiet and ignore people. In the end, i will seem very antisocial and irritable. Maybe its a kind of defensive mechanism-- using antisociality as a way to mask my shyness, or unwillingness to talk.

Back to fitness, I must go running tomorrow, need to shed those kilos! all the weight i lost during polo is definitely regained through the milo dinosaur and BBQ pork rice and 7up ice that i gulped down after training, talk about counter-productivity! Tomorrow i'll go run 12 rounds of the track!

OK i've blogged about 10 mins, and the night is still young, just perfect for me to catch some beauty rest.

just realized i love blogging

2005-01-30T07:25:00.000-08:00

wow, i just realised i love blogging, 2 posts in 1 day! Its like a whiteboard where i can just pen my thoughts, and it never runs out of space. Blogging is like a confirmation of thought, for like,my thoughts are mostly still in semi translucent state, most of the time they're not very definite. But when i blog, my thoughts become words and it sort of finalises things. Maybe I can start planning my life using my blogs, then I can become more decisive when it comes to real life. About privacy, I dont think anyone reads my blog, and i dont put much personal stuff, it'll be very very boring to read it, so im quite relaxed about my online journal. I lost the battle to do homework, not planning to do any tonight, even though i have physics, maths and gp tutorials tomorrow. WHoosh there goes my homework -outta my head-. forgot about it. I have PE tomorrow, favourite lesson, i mean compared to crappy chem, messy maths, psycho physics, gloppy gp and ewww economics. (ok im being lame) PE is the best of them all, those lousy boring stuff that people learn just to find good jobs and earn big bucks. (blows nose at life). Just to keep in with that new hardworking character of mine that i resoluted in my resolution this year, I'll be adding new chimm words in my blog, slotting them wherever possible, whenever possible. Also, maybe i can read econs during breaks, when im alone or being antisocial or something, then maybe just maybe, i can act like a studious student for once. Ok, now i've written all that (crap) listed above, i feel quite sick of blogging already, so much for my love of blogging huh... its late, shi hou bu zao le, jiu ci ge bi.

OMg, my work is crap

2005-01-30T05:58:00.000-08:00

Its 9.58pm sunday nite, its like I know there's work to do, but i've been avoiding it all weekend, and doing a good job of it.

Studies have been like the last priority for me nowadays, but thats sort of an improvement, in Chinese High, they were'nt even a priority. There's this sort of intellectual inertia that I have to overcome just to even open my bag to fish out 'the stuff'. There's also a physical inertia I experience every morning when i get out of bed, thats strong stuff too, i mostly lose that mental battle every morning. Guess Im just mentally weak, I swear im going to win that battle tomorrow. Every day is presents a new challenge, another battlefield to fight on.

Its like i havent been touching any of those study stuff for the last few weeks, or paid attention to the bloody lectures, although i made a resolution to change for this year 2005. That's another challenge-- keeping my resolutions. I WILL LISTEN IN CLASS.

Been borrowing money around too much, till im not sure who i owe money to, i definitely owe shaun 5 bucks, and MAYBE owe nicholas 5 bucks, that im not too sure. There's this sort of impression i got that i may have returned it, but he's really insistent that i havent, so... pay up dude.. GONNA GET MORE CASH FROM PARENTS [parasite]

so its like 10.08pm now, took 10 mins to blog, haha, should i do work? or not. Based on past experience, i'll take eons to get started, and then just when i start on question 1, i'll feel too tired to carry on... hmmm one more battle to fight...

is every day one more day to live, or one less day to live?

2005-01-29T06:08:00.000-08:00

Woke up with a flu bug, usual symptoms of blocked nose, cough, etc.etc.etc. It is very annoying that I fall sick so often, this is like the 3rd time in 3 weeks i've caught the flu!

bloody hell... I swore not to get sick again after the 2nd bout of flu, but then I kana-ed it again! I am going to take vitamin C every single morning before school, and avoid all other sickos.

How am I going to lose weight if I keep getting sick?

X country cashew nuts

2005-01-26T03:11:00.000-08:00

Today cross country, ok, it was good, ran around the forest with a dozen other plodders, grunting and puffing like unfit people... which we are. My one consolation is that this is the first cross country i made an effort to not walk in, and luckily as fate would have it, i jogged the entire 4.8km, clap clap.

Bad thing was, i gained a stitch like nearing the end, and a slight pull on my calf of my left leg.. So i was in pain in the last 100metres, and had to watch like 5o plus people sprint past me. A not so nice scenario, next time, i'll be ready... just watch out!

Went Sentosa, swam around, tasted horribly extra-salty seawater(duh), tried to hide my massive spare tyres :) embarassing but true. Oh man, i find like all the guys in my class are so fit, in comparison to me, its like they've been training up during the holidays or something i suspect. Samuel has clearly defined abs, and everyone else looks skinny and fit! Omg, its like im the only fat one in class... terrible terrible terrible.

Why i started a blog, others got blogs, so i decided i shouldnt be left out, karans got a blog, charles got a blog, and... i dunno i think everyone else. firstly, i think blog's a way of letting others know me better, and maybe it'll allow me to know myself better, and perhaps improve my english, and keep a record of my life, so that like in 5 years down the road, i'll know what i was doing on the 26th of January 2005. Yes, and my first post is retarded.

hahahahahahahah

2005-01-26T03:10:00.000-08:00

my new blog blog blog